This Can't Be Happening
by AGreekConsultingMarauder
Summary: James Potter and Lily Evans NEVER got along, ever since the first day of school. To be short, Lily and James loath each other, can't stand each other, and both think Dumbledore is off his rocker when he elects them both as Heads. ( More to come : Hilarious situations-Spring ball- Sirius Black Matchmaker) R&R suggestions open - either PM or leave a review
1. Chapter 1

**(AN: Hope you like it ; I'm writing the second chap now :)**

*Lily and James are both sitting in Dumbledore's office*

"Shut up Potter!" Lily spat. "I didn't do anything! The question is, what did you do and why do I have to be dragged along?"

" I did something?" James asked incredulously while turning to face her. "You're the one who put dungbombs in my dorm! We couldn't get the bloody stench out for days!"

" What? I never did any such thing," Lily said a little too innocently.

"Don't act all innocent with me Evans!" his tone now raising, "I saw…"

But he was interrupted when the headmaster sat behind the wooden desk.

" Lemon drop?" Dumbledore asked both students. When they both kindly refused, he went on. "I must apologize. I was delayed by the most fascinating confession by a student. Apparently Filch's cat wasn't taken mysteriously by death eaters, but shoved into a damp box and put into the room of requirement," The old man said with his bright blue eyes twinkling. " Your'e probably wondering why I called you here today."

Both Lily and James looked at each other suspiciously then nodded at the headmaster.

Dumbledore continued. "I have decided to appoint you both as the Head Boy and Girl of Hogwarts."

James's jaw dropped while Lily smiled.

He went on. "And because of this arrangement, you two will be spending lots of time together."

Both students were speechless.

'_How on earth am I supposed to be Head Boy and a Marauder? And I'm supposed to work with Evans too! We'll never bloody agree on anything. Shit! Sirius is going to have a fit when I tell him that I'm Head Boy. He'll make a huge speech about being a Marauder and that I'm betraying them. He'll probably give me the silent treatment. God, this is some mess I'm in. I'll just sneak out and do Head duties and not tell them. Moony will probably figure it out, but Padfoot will think I'm on a date or whatnot. And it's not like I have any other option. I can't bloody refuse the headmaster, my mum would have a fit!'_ James figured out all this in his head, worrying anxiously at the same time.

'_NO! NO! NO! NO! This cannot be happening!'_ Lily thought frantically in her head. _'I've worked so bloody hard since I was a first year to achieve this, and I can't believe Potter is my partner of ALL people! I thought maybe Scott Davis from Ravenclaw or even Amos Diggory. Heck, Even Lupin would be ok! But why Potter?'_ she questioned to herself.

Dumbledore smiled at the children's thoughts. Learning Legillimency certainly came in handy as a headmaster in a wizarding school. He continued talking. "Being the heads of Hogwarts certainly does indeed have its perks," he assured them. "You both share your own tower"-at this both students banged their heads on the table in front of them-"Come with me, and I shall direct you." The headmaster got up, and Lily and James followed.

*On the way there James and Lily bickered*

" I can't believe I have to share a tower with you of all people!" James groaned.

"Well, it's not exactly a picnic sharing with you either Potter," Lily snapped.

Dumbledore once again interrupted their bickering by stopping in front of a simple stonewall with a Portrait of Godric Gryffindor.

"Miss Evans, Mr. Potter. This is the entryway. I'll leave you to decide the password later, but for now follow me."

Dumbledore pushed open the portrait and stepped aside so that the newly appointed heads could get a better look.

"Wow." For one of the few times in her life, Lily was struck speechless.

The Head's common room was a large spacious room with tapestries of all the houses draped graciously on the walls. The ceiling was a clear blue sky, obviously enchanted like the one in the great hall. Out to the side was a small kitchenette complete with magical appliances. Located in the middle of the room was a red couch with a glass table accompanied with a mini library. The focus point of the room on the far side was a set of stairways, each leading to a Head dorm. On the right side was Lily's, and on the left was James's.

Both students rushed up the stairs to check out their head dorms.

Lily's POV

Her room was luxurious. There was no other way to describe it. The entire room was decorated in lavender- her favorite color. Her window had a view of a glittering ocean. The furniture was an antique white with crystal finishing. Her bed was- her bed was amazing. It was super comfortable; Lily guessed it was because it was stuffed with Pegasi down. She hoped that no creature was actually harmed for her comfort, but she hoped it knew that the gesture was sincerely appreciated. She loved her room. She guessed that she could probably still visit her old dorm, but she thought of all the fun sleep overs her best friends could have here. The only down side, probably, was that James Potter was living in the next-door over. She knew that many girls in her year would die to live next to his dorm, but that wasn't Lily. Ever since the tender age of eleven, she and James had never really hit off. She headed back downstairs to meet the headmaster who was waiting for them in the Head's common room.

James POV

His room was awesome. Chudley cannon posters lined up the walls, and his furniture was painted with the faces of the players. There was nothing in the world that James liked more then Quidditch. His bed was heavenly and he knew that he would most likely be crashing here most of the nights then in his old dorm. He did miss his mates, the marauders they called themselves, but in less then a second he would chose the über comfortable bed then Sirius' snoring. He headed back down, hoping that he hadn't kept the spectacled headmaster waiting.

Both Heads returned from their quarters smiling.

"Did you find your quarters acceptable?" The headmaster inquired only out of duty. Their response was already clear by the smiles they wore on their faces.

James and Lily nodded graciously at Dumbledore.

"Good," He continued." I'll leave you to explore and - Oh, make sure to give dear Godric the password before you leave," he reminded them as he headed out their portrait frame.

After Dumbledore had left, James said thoughtfully," You know, I reckon our Headmaster is gay."

Lily looked downright scandalized.

"Do you think that could be our password?" James asked turning to face her." Our dear old headmaster is gay?"

"Over my dead body are we having _**that**_ as our password" Lily mumbled, still looking positively scandalized.

"And why not?" James argued. "The rest of the Marauders would never even be able to guess that."

"I will not have our bloody password related to our headmasters sexuality!" Lily hissed, sounding slightly more than miffed.

"Then what do you suggest?" James asked. "Your so predictable even Peter could guess it."

"I'm not predictable!" Lily screamed.

"Oh, yes you are!" James replied smoothly.

"You think I'm predictable, eh Potter?"

James was taken aback by the sudden change in her voice but didn't show it. "You very well know that I think so."

And the next thing he knew, he was pinned to the ground with a very pissed off Lily on top of him.

"Am I predictable?" She asked him in her new position. "Answer me Potter," she demanded, her face only centimeters away from his own.

"Er, yes. I mean, NO! Just get off me," He pleaded as he pushed he away.

She stood up and smirked. " Glad we got that settled. Now, what do you think about 'Pineapple ice cream'?"

"Where on earth did you get that idea?" he asked her.

She shrugged. "Well, it might as well be random. So I took my cousin's favorite food, the first fruit I thought of, and put them together. How's that for predictable?" She questioned him.

"Whatever, I've got to head down to the Quidditch pitch for practice." He got up, grabbed his cloak, and went out the portrait.

Lily's POV

She smirked as James left the room, and after a minute of wandering around the head's common room, she headed out the door as well.

She couldn't wait to tell her best friends about the head's room. She supposed she could still sleep in her old dorm even though the headmaster had designed a personal bedroom for her in the tower.

She walked through the fat lady's portrait and went up the girl's staircase two steps at a time. She reached the hallway and looked for the plaque labeled 'Heartbreakers'. The sign should list their names, but in their fourth year the girls got bored. So they came up with a nickname for their group and engraved it on the plaque. They had always been advanced with magic. They had come up with their nickname from the fact that they were easily Hogwart's most desired. She slightly pushed open the door and looked inside and saw her mates: Alice Prewett, Marlene McKinnon, and Emmaline Vance, sitting on one of the beds.

Alice was the calm one, with golden eyes and shoulder length chocolate waves. Her presence itself was known to calm crowds.

Marlene was the outgoing one. She had raven black hair framing her tan face with electric blue eyes. **(AN: Can anyone out there tell me who fits the body description in the Percy Jackson series?)** Marlene was known to have a different boyfriend every week. She was a major heartthrob. If anything, their nickname was based on her.

Emmaline was the sporty one. She was graced with beach blonde hair and steel gray eyes. Emmaline had also scored a place as one of the chasers despite the ongoing rivalry with the captain: James Potter.

Nobody's POV

"Lily!" The girls exclaimed when they saw one of their best mates standing at the door. They motioned her over to come and sit down.

"So, how's Head duties with James Potter going?" Marlene asked when they had sat down, her eyes mocking innocence.

Lily's green eyes widened. "You knew I would be working with Potter, and you didn't tell me?!" Lily asked incredulously. "I would have told Dumbledore no before he could even start telling us we were heads," Lily groaned, while smashing her head in a pillow.

Her so-called 'friends' rolled their eyes.

"Lily, this is the exact reason we didn't tell you," Alice reasoned. "I mean, you've worked so hard to become head girl, and we don't want James Potter to ruin it for you."

"But Alice, don't you get it? The whole purpose of Heads is for me and Potter to work together and better the school. Can you even see us agreeing on _**ANYTHING**_?"

The girls had to admit she was right.

"Well you could call a truce…" Emma suggested in an attempt to break the silence.

"What?!" The three other girls exclaimed.

"I mean, are you forgetting, Emma, that these are the boys who pranked us, called us names, and practically humiliated us in front of the whole school?" Marlene asked, shocked that her friend could ever suggest such a thing as a truce with the Marauders, especially a certain Sirius Black…**( AN: I promise that this will be explained in later chapters – If you bear with me along the way)**

"But, Marely, James isn't that bad when I'm at Quidditch practice. I mean, when he's into something he does a pretty good job at it. Maybe he'll be like that for head duties."

Lily snorted. "As if! Potter being diligent and mature? Hell will freeze over before that happens. By the way, how did you guys know I was head girl with Potter? If other people knew, Sirius would have told James before we went to Dumbledore's office."

"Oh, I heard McGonagall talking about it with old Sluggy," Marlene replied nonchalantly.

"But your still going to be Head girl right Lils?"

Her almond shaped eyes sparkled brilliantly. "Of course, Em! I already told Dumbledore yes and -" she paused for dramatic effect, "I wouldn't give up the head's tower for anything."

Her friends broke out in squeals and bombarded her with questions.

"How big is the room?"

"Are you going to sleep there?"

"Where is it?"

"Are you sharing it with Potter?"

"Really, is that all you're going to ask?" But nevertheless Lily broke out in a grin. "Pretty big, sometimes, near Dumbledore's office, and just the common room. I have a whole room to myself. Oh, by the way, you guys are allowed to hang out and sleepover."

The girls once again broke out in squeals.

"Can we go see it?" her friends asked eagerly.

"Yeah, right after Em finishes Quidditch practice," Lily said, nodding her head at Emmaline.

Her gray eyes widened. "Potter and Black are going to kill me!" She grabbed her cloak and rushed out the door.

**(AN: OOH! What are James and Sirius going to do to Emma?**

**The second chap is due to be posted soon ;)**

**I have the plot planned out though – hilarious situations, spring ball, Sirius black= match maker.**

**And thanks to crownjules78 who beta read this ) REVIEW PLZ!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I'm sorry I haven't updated! School kicked in and I didn't have enough inspiration to keep going. But I'm back! Hope you enjoy the chap! ;)**

"Where in hell is Emmaline Vance!" Sirius Back shouted. Anger was gracing his handsome features. "It's been fifteen bloody minutes since practice started and she still hasn't gotten her arse down here!"

James nodded his head in agreement, "I would have kicked her off the team myself if she wasn't so bloody good," He still hadn't told Sirius that Dumbledore had chosen him for head boy. He wasn't planning to tell him until absolutely necessary.

After another few minutes of waiting James sighed exasperatedly, " Sirius, it's fine that you have admires, but will you PLEASE go ask them to hold there fan meeting somewhere other than the pitch?"

Sirius smirked, "Prongs, I can't help it if I'm that gorgeous. He sung his hips in a very un-manly fashion, but nevertheless went to go tell off his fanclub.

As he did so, Emmaline appeared, rushing to get to the pitch.

Before James could tell her off for being late, Emmaline stared at James, looking him up and down appreciably. He was one of the major heartthrobs at school, so the action wasn't new to him. But Emmaline doing it… Emmaline was one of the few girls who despised him. So why was Emma looking at him like that? He was confused and shocked into silence, until Emma opened her mouth and all the pieces came together.

"So your head boy with Lily?"

Sirius stopped chatting with his fan club and looked at James incredulously. "Is it true Prongsie?" James looked at Sirius in disgust at the use of nickname, but Sirius didn't let it bother him. "Our favorite Marauder, a head boy?"

James couldn't meet his friends gaze.

"We are troublemakers James! Rule breakers! NOT Ruler-Enforcers! Ever since we were wee first years, we've been a teacher's nightmare. And now your siding against us! Even moony would be ok, cuz he's a prefect and all, but our Prongs as a head boy!" Sirius was no musing more to himself then James. "And he's even doing it with Evans!"

James couldn't stand back and watch anymore, "I couldn't choose the head girl Padfoot! Even if I could, do you honestly think I would choose Evans?!"

Sirius stared at James as if now only realizing this fact. "I guess your right Prongs, but it doesn't change the fact that Dumbledore chose YOU for head boy, and you didn't even refuse!"

"I can't bloody refuse Dumbledore!"

Before either one could continue the argument, a second year stepped out from the crows watching the scene unfold and tugged on James's robe. "Could we start practice now?" the boy asked.

James had the decency to look ashamed but continued to glare at Sirius.

"Alright, you lot had your fill on gossip. Now get your arses on the brooms!"

"Tsk,Tsk,Tsk, Language Potter…" Emmaline tutted before walking off to get her broom.

-scene change-

"So this is it?"

The girls were standing in front of what appeared to be a stone wall. They had decided they would check out Lily's new quarters before dinner started.

"But there's nothing here… You would think Dumbledore would have something a little more fancy then a stone wall for the entrance."

Lily couldn't understand what Marlene was saying. There on the stone wall, in plain sight, was Godric Gryffindor's portrait. Why couldn't they see the picture? A thought struck her for the first time.

"I think only the heads can see the portrait," she suggested, "But maybe…maybe if I do this…" She joined hands with her friends and took a step forward.

Her success was confirmed when Emmaline walked straight up to the portrait and stuck out her finger to 'poke' old Godric's nose.

"OW!" the portrait cried.

"Wait… Emma isn't holding hands with us anymore. How is she still able to see the portrait?" Alice asked.

"I think it's because I gave her permission to see the entrance when I held her hand. I'll talk to Dumbledore later to see if I can get you permanent admission into here, but for now this will work," Lily walked up to Godric and whispered the password. The portrait swung open and revealed a few steps leading into the heads common room. She motioned for her friends to follow.

After Lily gave her friends a tour of her room and so on, they all plopped down on the couch in the main room.

"I love your room," Marlene said, "I wish our dorm could be designed like that,"

"Well once I get permission from Dumbledore, I'm sure we could all spend the night here once in a while,"

"Awe-_gulp_-some " Emma had found the jar of cookies in the kitchenette.

"Em, quite stuffing your face, " Alice snapped thought she had a smile on her face.

"Oi! –_gulp-_ I'm just eating a few. If James gives the rest of the Marauders access, Sirius is bound to pinch the rest of the cookies later. I –_gulp-_ just want to eat a few,"

"Em, the house elves refill the cookies once they are gone," Lily said looking at her friend in amusement.

"Oh! So I hope –_gulp- _they won't mind if I take the rest, " She hopped off the counter carrying an assortment of cookies in her arms.

"Emma, you can't carry cookies in your arms all the way back to the dorm," Alice reasoned.

"Fine, next time I visit though, I'm bringing a bag to carry the cookies in,"

Marlene smirked at her friend, "You're a witch Em,"

Her eyes widened, "Oh right!" she muttered as she dug out her wand. She said a spell and the napkin laying forgotten on the counter morphed into a drawstring bag. "Perfect!" she started to dump the cookies into the newly created object.

"Em, you won't be needing any of those," Lily said trying to keep in a smile.

"Why bloody not?"

"Because it's about time for dinner," Lily had given up trying to hide her smile. The expression on Emma's face was truly hilarious.

Emmaline was banging her head on the table.

"Em, that's not going to help…" Alice said looking a bit helpless.

"You know what?" Emma said as she stood up, "I don't care," She slipped the drawstring bag onto her shoulders and marched out the portrait's door.

"The rest of the girls merely rolled their eyes at their friends foolishness, but followed her out the portrait heading to the great hall.

-scene change-

In the middle of dinner, the Great Hall suddenly quieted.

Dumbledore rose from his seat and said, "My dear students, I am extremely glad to see that you are all settling down at Hogwarts. Again, for those of you who do not know me, I am Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster here. The decision of head boy and girl had been delayed until a few days ago. Now if you will look up as I introduce the heads of Hogwarts. Lily Evans as head girl," he paused for a moment knowing there would be clapping. Lily stood up, blushing, but acknowledged everyone with a small wave of her hand. Dumbledore continued, "And the head boy," the great hall once again became quiet, " is James Potter"

There weren't as many cheers and hollers as before but whispers and confusion among the students. Almost everyone knew of the on-going rivalry between the Heartthrobs and the Marauders; they were wondering how the hell did Dumbledore place two life-long enemies as heads and expect them to work together.

Dumbledore silenced everyone and opened his mouth to speak, "Lily and James, would you mind following me," He gestured in the direction of the head's tower and walked out.

Lily and James, both knowing where to go, stood up from their seats and followed the headmaster.

They stepped inside the portrait and seated themselves on opposite sides of the couch. They did all this without speaking a word to each other.

Dumbledore stood in front of them and conjured up a seat for him to sit on.

"I know I spoke to you earlier about your head duties. However, there is one I must add on. The professors and I have decided that we will have an extra activity held later this year, around April. However, this requires work and preparation starting now. The staff is too busy with their workload, therefore, we are handing over the work to you,"

"Sir, what is the activity?" Lily asked.

"Why, the Spring Ball of course,"

"What?!" James shrieked, "We have to plan a ball together?"

"Yes, Mr. Potter, and I hope you will do it well. The hour grows late and I do not wish to keep you. You better be on your way.

James rushed out the portrait door without another word.

Right before Dumbledore walked out the portrait, Lily spoke, " Sir? Would it be ok if Emmaline, Alice, and Marlene had access to the heads room as well?"

Dumbledore turned around with a wrinkled smile on his face, "I do not see why not. I'll speak to Godric to let him know." And with that he left.

Lily walked up the stairs to her new dorm. She wouldn't have to sleep there, but she preferred it in a way. It reminded her of her room at home, and right now she needed some comforting.

**AN: I hope you like it ! ;) I hope to get more then a few reviews this time around tho…. I'm thinking maybe around a chapter a week, atleast until school finishes. **

**Until next time!**

**- GCM**


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